Treat Her Like A Lady

Since I'm doing this.... "dating" thing, I was sharing some of my stories with a friend.  She is a little younger than me.  And I am what many consider an "old soul."  In my "dating" adventures, I have come across a lot of men who just haven't lived up to what I feel a woman should be treated like. As the men start to treat me like less than I feel they should, I check out.  Some may see my approach as mean but it is more so to protect myself and let them know the respect I deserve is not there.

As I thought about what we talked about I thought of the song Treat Her Like A Lady.  Thank you to The Temptations.  Treat Her Like a Lady video 

These so called men would say things like "Would you come get me if I didn't feel like coming to you b/c I just didn't feel like getting up and driving?"  "So when are you going to make me dinner?"  "Oh yeah, by the way, I have no money to pay for this date." "Every woman I meet, inevitably falls in love with me." Among other inappropriate things.  Are you serious?  These are not men.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in meeting someone half way, being fair in a relationship, but I still deserve to be treated like the lady that I act like.  Amen?  AMEN!  Us, yes us, as women spend so much time now allowing certain, I will not say all, walk all over us, abuse us, and treat us less than.  Know that you deserve the best.  someone who will treasure and respect you in return.  Though they think they are being nice, they are not.  They are being disrespectful.  We must learn the difference.  If you do not stand up for what you deserve, he can only do what you allow him to do to you.

I, for one, will not be disrespected or settle for less.  I expect to be TREATED LIKE A LADY!

My Family

When I was younger, I always wondered how I ended up with the family I have. I love them, but something just wasn't right. Why couldn't I choose my family? Come on, now. You know you've wondered the same thing at least once. Who chooses you to share the same DNA?

As I grew older, I understood family many times went further than your "kin-folk." I was getting older, wiser, and choosing the people who were important in my life. I had friends, who understood and cared for me. Hmmmm... Is this my chance to "choose" my family? It is. It has taken me a lot of time to realize it, but with my friends I have created an extension to my family.

Those who are my true friends, and fall into this family list, are the ones that are there through it all. Yes, we may fight and argue, but there is a love behind it all. We are there for each other through good and bad times. We laugh, we cry, we sing, and even sit in silence. It's just the pure knowledge of knowing you are safe with these people makes it wonderful.

When I moved to the Boston area in 2005, I knew 3 people, and only one was a true friend. I took a leap moving to a place four hours from my family. In that time, I have learned what true friendship is. Friendship is that which becomes family, where it is thicker than water. We see each other as family and with each of us comes the dynamic of our biological family. The connection we have goes beyond, and they are people who chose me and I chose them back. Though my parents only had one other child, I have sisters and brothers from a variety of places who have different experiences. We may be more diverse than the Jolie-Pitts, lol!

I am BLESSED! to have all/both families. I am more grateful that I realize their importance and love. Think about the extended family in your life. They are there, you just have to open your eyes and arms and embrace them. I'm glad I did, because they have all added joy to my life.

Bridalplasty

Tonight, as I flipped through the channels to find something to watch while I work. I come across a show on E! called Bridalplasty. I had to stop to see what this show was about. It is a show where engaged women compete for plastic surgeries to be "perfect" for their wedding day. As i watched this show several concerns came to mind:

• What perception has society created about marriage? Is the wedding that serious?
• What examples are being set for young women to love and appreciate themselves?
• Who in the world thought this should be a tv show?
• Is this healthy?
• What do the men who intend to marry these women think of them changing themselves completely?

Don't get me wrong, I respect those who choose to have a few surgeries to improve some things but a grocery list of things to fix for a wedding that lasts a few hours?!?! I was disturbing the see them put under the spot light to point out their imperfections. Aren't imperfections what make us human and individual? What really is perfection?

Many days my friends and I talk about the state of marriage in the US. With all of the reality shows about weddings, how we forgetten that it is about the marriage and not the wedding, the dress, the make-up, etc. When it is all said and done, you and your new spouse go home with each other to start a life. Why do we let something that lasts a few hours take so much control when the focus should be on the "bigger picture?" I'm a big picture kind of girl, so of course this is how I see it.

Now, if someone has proposed to you knowing you and loving you for who you are, why is it so important to attempt this perfection by way of sugery to change who you are for one day. To me, the engagement is the person's way of saying they love you for who you are, imperfections, flabby arms, weight loss skin and all. If you are changing yourself, is this person still marrying the person they became engaged to? It's like ordering a white dress and when it's time to wear it, it's purple.

My biggest concern was the body image. A few weeks ago, I did a workshop for a group of high school and college aged young ladies, encouraging them to love themselves. We all have flaws, but that's what makes us who we are. This show all alone negates all that I discussed with these young ladies. My hope is that my conversation with them sticks more than what they see on reality tv. It's concerning that these young intelligent women feel less than because they do not look like the women in the magazines. They were all beautiful in their own ways, tall, short, skinny, plus-sized, white, black, latina, etc. But no one is telling them that. I know because I once thought and felt like they do. Why should we encourage the lowering of the self-esteem of our young successful women? We have enough going against us, and only have but so much strength to fight a good battle.

As women we need to take a stand to love our differences and imperfections. Plastic surgery will not solve that emotional or other issue that lies beneath. Lift up each other. To the women on this show, you are beautiful in your own waysm and you have a man in your life that thinks you are perfect in his eyes. Is this all necessary?