Control what you can

After a much needed conversation with a GREAT friend, today I had to take her advice. Yesterday, we were talking about some of my struggles, YES, even the great struggle. LOL. There are so many things that I am dealing with right now. My reason for starting this blog was to share with other the struggles and opportunities available in life. With that, I will be open and honest. Lately, I have been struggling with weight loss (working hard towards it but going no where), my career (making a change that is best for me), my family (who doesn't), school (I'm a full-time grad student, too), and all the other things that life throws at us (Like who was going to clean my apartment).

Just a little about this friend. I must say that I am happy that God has Blessed me with some great, true friends and some not so good to know the great when I see them. This friend is someone that mutual friends brought into my life, that has stood by and with me through much. She is extrememly intelligent, beautiful and caring that I can do nothing but admire her successes and her struggles. She is the type of friend that makes you want to do and be better. She's the one that tells you that you looked GREAT, when she knows and could see you didn't feel hot at all. Who knew such greatness could stand at 5 feet tall? LOL.

I was struggling with why I should continue a fight I feel I'm not winning. I am working so hard, for so much and not seeing the complete return that I have set for myself. She made me realize that it is up to me to control what I can and leave the rest to fate. What will happen, will happen and I cannot control that. As Christians would say leave the rest to God. I can choose to go to the gym and continue changing my lifestyle, though I am seeing changes, just not the ones I want. I can choose to clean my apartment so that the chaos doesn't cause more chaos for me. I can keep changing and learning to make the career changes I want, give great interviews and give people great impressions, but I cannot force them to hire me. I can keep taking my car to the mechanic but it's going to breakdown when it wants. She made me look at it from a different view.

So today, I decided it was time to control. I know she meant, "Adria, take your butt to the gym tomorrow. I'm not playing." BUT! I took control somewhere else. I decided I needed to control my own world, my space. This is my apartment, it is my safe space, my serenity, it's mine. I got home from work, and I started to clean. When I say clean, I mean C-L-E-A-N. It was like a cleansing of my soul, as well. I went through my book shelves, closests, etc. And I just cleaned. I threw out things I knew I didn't need in my life, they were not leading to the control I needed. Then I realized.... I, the queen of prepared and always more than neeeded, had just three trash bags left. but that did not stop me. I continued to add to the Goodwill bags and the trash bags until I felt clean. It was a great re-start to my control. Tomorrow, I may not return to the gym, since I have an allergist appointment. I will be there Friday with my trainer, Pete, working hard. Trust me, he's tough on me.

Thanks to this great friend, the blocker, for your help. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.