Who needs the gym ...

When you have snow? LOL. So I got an official workout digging my car out of the snow. Cardio, lifting (full body), cardio. It was all there. Fighting the wind was like the resistance. I got it done though. I don't think Pete would agree though.

I am very particular about my car and where it is parked after and during snow. I'm what some would say is OCD about my spot. I even shovel the spots next to me to ensure they do not mess up my work. Over an hour of shoveling. It has to be done right. This need to have a clean spots spurs from a storm in winter 2007 when my car was stuck for 3 days in its spot. this was my second winter in MA. There was a parking ban. I took the train to work and left my car parked. The sun happened to shine during the day, melting most of the snow but it was iced over under my car and tires when I got home. I was stuck between two mountains of snow. It was like this for three days, 2 bags of kitty liter and a big bag of salt. It drove me crazy knowing I could not get out. I spent over an hour each night trying to get it out. That was when I learned my lesson.

Now I have a snow strategy that works in the favor of those around me. I just keep shoveling until I'm HAPPY! It also substitues for my workout for the day. I used to like the snow but living in MA there is nothing like the snow here. It was all about snow management for me.

The best part of this whole thing is that I am the only women in a building of five men and no one has ever asked or offered help. What's that about?

Bridezilla

To continue last night's theme I watched Bridezillas. What in the world is wrong with these women? Is this what an engagement ring can do to women? Reminder to self: JUSTICE OF THE PEACE! LOL!

Big Friggin' Wedding

So I survived the snowy, blizzardy really, drive from NY to home. And boy, the snow is coming down now. With that, I decided to catch up on some... reality tv?!?! Courtesy of On demand. Let's start with My Big Friggin' Wedding, a VH1 typical.

This show makes getting married look so bad. And of course they are all from Jersey and Loooong Island. LOL! The people are so into the wedding and not even sure they want to be married. I know relationships and marriage are hard, but they make it look like torture. It in a way makes my dysfunctional not look so bad. Yes, I know tv exaggerates to keep us watching.

What happen to the meaning behind marriage? Marriage is no longer sacred. The days of long happy marriages are gone, apparently. There is no more of the 'til death do us part. It makes me dread falling in love or even the thought of marriage. Is this what it's like? Note to self, justice of the peace.

However, the bachelor and bachelorette parties are entertaining. The cops and ambulences and fights. Great entertainment. I mean the show has the same producers as Jersey Shore. LOL!

One Reason I Do What I Do

Today, I spent the afternoon at a "local" high school interviewing some students to help their applications to my institutions a little stronger. As an Admission Counselor, there is no telling what you will see, hear or read. Each day is new. In my six years, nothing surprises me, I've heard it all.

Today, I met some of the strongest young women I may ever meet. Each on sharing with me stories of courage and strength. They each touched my heart in a different way. Their stories making me think twice about my own issues and complaints, how minor they REALLY are. They were a wonderful group though their stories tough.

For many young people, it is hard to open up the way these young ladies did with me today. I appreciate the trust they put in me during our interviews. If any or all of them ready this, you are truly amazing young people. I know you will go far no matter where you go or what you do. If no one ever tells you this, or you never felt this, know that I am proud of you for all that you have done for yourselves. Standing strong and looking roadblocks in the eye and knocking them down. You are the reason, I have enjoyed my job. Seeing you smile with each opportunity, knowing it will not be easy but ready for the challenge. I know you will be GREAT!

Efficient Spender

Ok I had a lot to day tonight, since this is my third blog.

So with the holidays, I love the SALES! Hate the malls and stores but I love getting what I need at a lower price, each gift I bought was a lower prices, leaving room for me to actually spend a couple of dollars on me. I know don't tell anyone.

My high point is my ability to spend wisely. It is something I have always practiced. I calculate what will get me the better bang for my buck. When it comes to money, I believe "Waste not, want not." I am what many would consider frugal, cheap, penny-pincher, etc. Oh well. That's how many get rich.

I thank my dad for teaching me to be such a smart spender and the ability to negotiate a price. It has even come in handy at work. My boss mentioned that all three of my events for this year were under budget, where most others were over. That alone made me prouder than anything.

So do not be afraid to pull out your coupon or bargain a price, it could save you money on ANYTHING!

Car Responsibilities

Many of you know that I LOVE MY CAR! His name is Andre. He is a 1996 Toyota Avalon. We have been together since summer of 2002. He is my joy. We have lived in Pennsylavnia, New York and Massachusetts together. He has made car rides from NYC to Dothan , AL. He was there for my knee surgery and the physical therapy to follow.

As most things, with old age comes more needs. I have taken excellent care of my baby. Yes he is my baby. I know every sound he makes, every jerk, EVERYTHING! But boy is he ripping up my pockets. He is as expensive as having an actually baby. Who knew? No one tells you the costs of owning a car. Well let me be the first, OWNING A CAR IS EXPENSIVE! All of his work recently are age problems, but they are expensive. I still love him though. He is the one and only man that can get into my pockets that deep without my having a heart attack.

You also must consider, just buying a new car can be just as expensive or more. Car payments, higher car insurance, and who says new cars don't have issues too?!?! So know what's best for your wallet. With that, Andre and I will be going to the best mechanic in Boston's Metro West Frank Chiasson's Auto Repair. He is definitely the best I've ever been too. He has taken great care of me ove the last year and a half. It gets REALLY cold in New England so I have to make sure my Andre is prepared because he carries precious cargo... ME! We will be getting a tune up and ready to hit the road. Look out I-95, I-90, I-84, I90 and any other road we find along the way.

I'm going to drive him until his wheels go running from the car. Andre, I love you like a child.

Holiday-time

There was a time when Thanksgiving and Christmas were my favorite holidays. It was about being together with family and enjoying the little time that we are able to get in together. Whether it's putting together a train set or teaching my dad how to use his new gadget, it was my favorite time. It was the one time that family sits down for a hearty dinner. My family is southern so you know we had the WORKS! Sports games on every tv in the house. Just fun. To see us all happy and smiling together, even that year I was laid up after surgery and the world was blurry. Thanksgiving and Christmas were my absolute favorites.

I believe these two holidays alone are what sparked my baking skills to unfold into what they are today. I would spend hours with my mother learning how to do this and that and she would leave me to do the baking. When I grew up and moved out, I improved my skills, everything was from scratch, new flavors, tastes, etc. I would stay up all night for days preparing these desserts. This may have been why these were my favorite holidays because I could do the one thing I did that made people smile.

As I get older, holidays become harder. It is no longer what it was of days past. The excitement of food, joy at the table or the appreciation of even the simplest gifts, like my crochets scarves in many colors. Is it that I am just getting older and get more responsibility for the holidays or is it the changing of the guard in my family?!? One may never know. Maybe, one day, I will have an opportunity to create my own family rituals for holidays to make them my own again.

Happy Holidays to ALL!

The first snow

It's officially winter in New England, it has snowed (still snowing) in Boston. This is my sixth winter here. The snow is always...plentiful. You would think after all the years and inches if snow Metro Boston would have snow cleaning would be simple and easy. It's not. The first snowfall each year it is like something new to the city. No one knows what to do. There is no plowing, shoveling, etc. It is a good mess outside.

But the next time it snows will be the best because they feel prepared. From there it gets lazy and goes downhill. LOL!

Women of Color and Higher Ed

Let me preface this blog entry with the face that it is solely based on the experience of myself and my fellow friends within higher education. I do no discount or lack understanding of the struggle that any other group faces in their own worlds. This is just what I know and what I feel.

I have been working in higher education since 2004. It is what I know and I am extremely talented at it. As I continue to grow within the higher ed industry, so does my struggle. I have gotten to where I am by fighting battles that I have noticed only another woman of color in higher ed would understand. I have had to prove myself in ways many others do not. It is like an uphill battle that if you do know how to fight, you will get no where. Luckily, I have been blessed with resilience and determination to not let others hold me back.

The issue with this all is that after a six year battle to prove I am just as good as others, though I know I may be greater, I am EXHAUSTED! It can drain you and maintaining that passion for the industry when you have someone or some people trying to pull you down. But I continue to fight that good fight. I cannot let someone take my passion for higher ed away. I will admit I am tired and ready for the next phase in my higher ed battle.

What is even worse is when one of us does make it to the top, we forget what the struggle was for ourselves. We then make that uphill battle for other women of color looking to move up even steeper. WHEW! What a workout this is. We then start to treat younger, up-and-coming women of color harsher than others. They now have this new battle to fight. Why is this not part of our undergraduate educations? I have no idea.

However, if it weren't for this battle, many of us would not be as wonderful as we are. My talents are so versatile and plentiful because of these battles that others don't face. But everything has a breaking point. I have to remind myself there is but so much I can do in a day, and I must take care of myself in this whole battle. I was talking to friends in higher ed in different capacities and it was funny that one felt that it was like being in an abusive relationship. We are Tina Turner and higher ed is Ike Turner, and we just keep going back for more. But look at Tina now.

If this abusive relationship continues, we will continue to see a decrease in the number of women of color staying in and moving up in higher education. And we do not want that to happen. Women of color are a part of that all around education most institutions promise students. Women of color have so much to offer not only to higher education but to the world.

If you find a great woman of color who knows her stuff. Go with her, treat her right, and she will in turn help bring great things. Oh yeah... And pay her what she deserves, but that is for another blog.

Control what you can

After a much needed conversation with a GREAT friend, today I had to take her advice. Yesterday, we were talking about some of my struggles, YES, even the great struggle. LOL. There are so many things that I am dealing with right now. My reason for starting this blog was to share with other the struggles and opportunities available in life. With that, I will be open and honest. Lately, I have been struggling with weight loss (working hard towards it but going no where), my career (making a change that is best for me), my family (who doesn't), school (I'm a full-time grad student, too), and all the other things that life throws at us (Like who was going to clean my apartment).

Just a little about this friend. I must say that I am happy that God has Blessed me with some great, true friends and some not so good to know the great when I see them. This friend is someone that mutual friends brought into my life, that has stood by and with me through much. She is extrememly intelligent, beautiful and caring that I can do nothing but admire her successes and her struggles. She is the type of friend that makes you want to do and be better. She's the one that tells you that you looked GREAT, when she knows and could see you didn't feel hot at all. Who knew such greatness could stand at 5 feet tall? LOL.

I was struggling with why I should continue a fight I feel I'm not winning. I am working so hard, for so much and not seeing the complete return that I have set for myself. She made me realize that it is up to me to control what I can and leave the rest to fate. What will happen, will happen and I cannot control that. As Christians would say leave the rest to God. I can choose to go to the gym and continue changing my lifestyle, though I am seeing changes, just not the ones I want. I can choose to clean my apartment so that the chaos doesn't cause more chaos for me. I can keep changing and learning to make the career changes I want, give great interviews and give people great impressions, but I cannot force them to hire me. I can keep taking my car to the mechanic but it's going to breakdown when it wants. She made me look at it from a different view.

So today, I decided it was time to control. I know she meant, "Adria, take your butt to the gym tomorrow. I'm not playing." BUT! I took control somewhere else. I decided I needed to control my own world, my space. This is my apartment, it is my safe space, my serenity, it's mine. I got home from work, and I started to clean. When I say clean, I mean C-L-E-A-N. It was like a cleansing of my soul, as well. I went through my book shelves, closests, etc. And I just cleaned. I threw out things I knew I didn't need in my life, they were not leading to the control I needed. Then I realized.... I, the queen of prepared and always more than neeeded, had just three trash bags left. but that did not stop me. I continued to add to the Goodwill bags and the trash bags until I felt clean. It was a great re-start to my control. Tomorrow, I may not return to the gym, since I have an allergist appointment. I will be there Friday with my trainer, Pete, working hard. Trust me, he's tough on me.

Thanks to this great friend, the blocker, for your help. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

Job Well Done

Tonight I planned a GREAT guidance counselor event if I might say so myself. No one else will tell me that, so I figured I'd tell myself. Everything was executed as planned. Decor was festive and all seemed happy. The best part for me was I completed planning over a week ago. I've just been sitting waiting for it to happen.

Sometimes we have to pat ourselves on the back for the great work that we do, and don't get credit for. It's ok to give yourself praise when you know it has been earned and deserved.

With that.... Adria a job well done tonight.

Karma

After a slow, quiet birthday weekend, I have returned to the real world. A little sick but I'm here. No worries, getting sick for my birthday is an annual tradition. LOL.

Over the years there is so much that I have learned about people and how they treat you. I do believe that I should treat people as I choose to be treated. It doesn't always reciprocated whether it is family, friends, colleagues, or bosses. It makes you wonder about people and their own beliefs. Someimes they will bring you down with or without knowing it. It will make you wonder... "Why do I continue to be do nice?" Just know that this will all come back to you all via karma. It took me a while to realize this but karma does see that we get the treatments that we give. Those who have been mean to you will receive something in return. Those who have been kind will receive that in return along with your thanks, I hope.

So do not stop being nice and doing the right thing for people. What goes around always comes around in due time. It is not that you wish ill-will to anyone, just know that whatever the treatment a person gives is teh same treatment they will receive.

Continue to be kind and do good deeds. Things may seem imbalanced but the universe has its own plan.

Bridalplasty

Tonight, as I flipped through the channels to find something to watch while I work. I come across a show on E! called Bridalplasty. I had to stop to see what this show was about. It is a show where engaged women compete for plastic surgeries to be "perfect" for their wedding day. As i watched this show several concerns came to mind:

• What perception has society created about marriage? Is the wedding that serious?
• What examples are being set for young women to love and appreciate themselves?
• Who in the world thought this should be a tv show?
• Is this healthy?
• What do the men who intend to marry these women think of them changing themselves completely?

Don't get me wrong, I respect those who choose to have a few surgeries to improve some things but a grocery list of things to fix for a wedding that lasts a few hours?!?! I was disturbing the see them put under the spot light to point out their imperfections. Aren't imperfections what make us human and individual? What really is perfection?

Many days my friends and I talk about the state of marriage in the US. With all of the reality shows about weddings, how we forgetten that it is about the marriage and not the wedding, the dress, the make-up, etc. When it is all said and done, you and your new spouse go home with each other to start a life. Why do we let something that lasts a few hours take so much control when the focus should be on the "bigger picture?" I'm a big picture kind of girl, so of course this is how I see it.

Now, if someone has proposed to you knowing you and loving you for who you are, why is it so important to attempt this perfection by way of sugery to change who you are for one day. To me, the engagement is the person's way of saying they love you for who you are, imperfections, flabby arms, weight loss skin and all. If you are changing yourself, is this person still marrying the person they became engaged to? It's like ordering a white dress and when it's time to wear it, it's purple.

My biggest concern was the body image. A few weeks ago, I did a workshop for a group of high school and college aged young ladies, encouraging them to love themselves. We all have flaws, but that's what makes us who we are. This show all alone negates all that I discussed with these young ladies. My hope is that my conversation with them sticks more than what they see on reality tv. It's concerning that these young intelligent women feel less than because they do not look like the women in the magazines. They were all beautiful in their own ways, tall, short, skinny, plus-sized, white, black, latina, etc. But no one is telling them that. I know because I once thought and felt like they do. Why should we encourage the lowering of the self-esteem of our young successful women? We have enough going against us, and only have but so much strength to fight a good battle.

As women we need to take a stand to love our differences and imperfections. Plastic surgery will not solve that emotional or other issue that lies beneath. Lift up each other. To the women on this show, you are beautiful in your own waysm and you have a man in your life that thinks you are perfect in his eyes. Is this all necessary?